Anxiety.

I have dealt with terrible anxiety since I was about 12 years old. It is something that I have tried many things to keep my anxiety at bay while I do my day to day things.  

When it first began I was completely thrown off and unable to handle it. I spent many days crying and in my room wondering what went wrong, what had changed to make me so unhappy.  Part of my problems were definitely puberty but the other part was that I always had this knot in the pit of my stomach.  

When I got to high school, I did many sports (which helped a lot). Endorphins really do help.  And a HUGE reason why I have an undergraduate degree in Sports and Recreation and a Masters in Athletic Training.  Sports were great but never kept the anxiety at bay completely.  I was able to get onto some medication to help with the anxiety.

After my undergrad, I took myself off the meds. I was able to handle things and was dealing with life pretty well for quite a bit of time.  I got married and pregnant with Ian.  Pregnancy was the best thing for my anxiety (it rivals how I felt while playing sports.) 

My anxiety was really bad in between my pregnancies with Ian and Emmaline.  I started going back to counselling and trying new things to keep my anxiety down. My anxiety was really bad until I got pregnant with Emmaline. Now that Emmaline is almost 8 months old, my anxiety is back with a vengeance.  I am hoping to ween her soon and be able to get back on some medication for anxiety.  Until then I am attempting some relaxtion tecniques my counselor game me to at least keep it down so I can be the mom I should be for my children.  My biggest fear is my children will suffer because of my problems with anxiety. 

I have attempted when I feel the anxiety build to just relax and breath. I am also attempting to go to my happy place (ocean, Niagara Falls etc) to feel the anxiety melt away. Water has positive powers of stress relief for me and since I live in Logan, Utah there is not as much running water as I would like so imagining is the best thing for me.