Anxiety.

I have dealt with terrible anxiety since I was about 12 years old. It is something that I have tried many things to keep my anxiety at bay while I do my day to day things.  

When it first began I was completely thrown off and unable to handle it. I spent many days crying and in my room wondering what went wrong, what had changed to make me so unhappy.  Part of my problems were definitely puberty but the other part was that I always had this knot in the pit of my stomach.  

When I got to high school, I did many sports (which helped a lot). Endorphins really do help.  And a HUGE reason why I have an undergraduate degree in Sports and Recreation and a Masters in Athletic Training.  Sports were great but never kept the anxiety at bay completely.  I was able to get onto some medication to help with the anxiety.

After my undergrad, I took myself off the meds. I was able to handle things and was dealing with life pretty well for quite a bit of time.  I got married and pregnant with Ian.  Pregnancy was the best thing for my anxiety (it rivals how I felt while playing sports.) 

My anxiety was really bad in between my pregnancies with Ian and Emmaline.  I started going back to counselling and trying new things to keep my anxiety down. My anxiety was really bad until I got pregnant with Emmaline. Now that Emmaline is almost 8 months old, my anxiety is back with a vengeance.  I am hoping to ween her soon and be able to get back on some medication for anxiety.  Until then I am attempting some relaxtion tecniques my counselor game me to at least keep it down so I can be the mom I should be for my children.  My biggest fear is my children will suffer because of my problems with anxiety. 

I have attempted when I feel the anxiety build to just relax and breath. I am also attempting to go to my happy place (ocean, Niagara Falls etc) to feel the anxiety melt away. Water has positive powers of stress relief for me and since I live in Logan, Utah there is not as much running water as I would like so imagining is the best thing for me.

Ian and the Camera

This is what I found on the camera when I was downloading pictures this morning... (Just so you know, I only chose a few, there were quite a few pictures)

Ian enjoys playing with the camera. He must have thought that Kiwi needed her picture taken while she was eating and using the bathroom.  The one thing I have to say is that Ian and Kiwi are best friends.  

Almo, Idaho (City of Rocks)

Jonathan had a archaeology project in City of Rocks in Almo, Idaho.  We were able to go with him as a family which was a wonderful opportunity. This town has a little over 100 people in it so there was very little for the kids and I to do except hang out at the City of Rocks.  It was a fun little trip.

I thought this rock looked like it had a pig's nose

Ian was so excited that he got to spend a couple of days with his daddy!

The boys were hiding from me!

Bonus Pictures: Ian likes to take pictures with the camera.

Lounging with his daddy!

The bottom of the bunk bed in the room

A Nice Goal to Have

This is me four years ago...

I would like to look like this again

A nice goal to have :)

Vacation Part III: Charleston

The last thing we were able to do is visit my dad in Charleston, SC.  It was wonderful! We went to the beach almost everyday and we were able to go to the Citadel's football game (and they won). My dad's new house is so nice and right on the water.


Here are the children, right after the beach one day. So sweet all covered in sand and ocean water.

Vacation Part II: Niagara Falls and Toronto

Kadri and Aaron's first dance

We were able to venture up to Canada for a few days (which is still my favorite place on earth.) We were there to celebrate the marriage of my cousin Aaron and his new wife Kadri (who I ABSOLUTELY adore). It was a beautiful day, beautiful ceremony and fun reception.

Emmaline during cocktail hour

This is a wonderful picture of Ian

 The day after the wedding we were able to go to my Aunt Diana and Uncle David's house to hang out and spend some time with the newly weds and my cousin Meredith and her boyfriend.  It was so much fun. My Uncle David's niece was in town with her daughter.  She and Ian had so much fun playing leap frog and with the rocks in the backyard. Their backyard sits on a ravine, so there was a hill and then a big drop off. Ian thought it would be fun to go down the hill on his belly.  Luckily, Meredith was there to make sure he did not go over the edge. What a fun time we had.

The other fun things we did.  We went down to Niagara Falls casino to watch a guy do a tight rope.  It was too windy that day and we were bummed that we were unable to see him. We also went to Heartland Forest in Niagara Falls. It was an attraction that was built by a guy whose granddaughter was severely handicapped.  The entire thing was free and handicap accessible. There was a huge playground for kids and a mini golf course.   

Vacation Part 1: Baltimore

*Sorry in advance but I did not bring a camera and I have absolutely no pictures from our time in Baltimore*

The kids and I had a wonderful opportunity to see all of her family and friends all across the eastern United States and Canada. Jonathan was unable to join us but he was able to get quite a bit of his thesis accomplished in the time we were gone.  We were able to hang out with my mom and sister.  We had an opportunity to go to six flags while were there as well...